IDEA 1 (UNDERWATER)
Whole Plot
The whole plot follows an Olympic diver who is
being targeted by her coach. He is trying to assassinate her. The narrative
follows her going to various competitions and each time she competes, something
goes wrong and there is a heightened tension and she appears to be unaware of
the mysterious activity. Each attempt of assassination links to the next one
until the last one where she is killed during her dive and we see her plummet
to her death.
IDEA 1 (UNDERWATER)
Opening sequence
In the opening sequence we see the girl getting
ready to compete by putting on her swimming cap and goggles etc. and generally
preparing for her big moment. She is wearing headphones and the audience can
hear the song in her headphones, it is a positive song and she is preparing to
the beat of this song. The audience follows her meeting various people,
including one of her other coaches and people involved in helping her with her
diving. We see her walking through and being encouraged and patted on the back
by the other characters. The next shot is of her walking up the huge staircase
to the top of the diving board and all that can be heard is her breath and some
creepy music in the background to heighten the tension and anticipation. We see
her peering over the top of the diving board to check the height and ensure
that she can see where she needs to land. From the back we see her jumping up
and down to warm herself up and then she prepares to jump. As she prepares to
jump we can hear all the voices of the people encouraging her acting as a
conscience and then as she jumps it is complete silence. As she lands we see a
hand grab her leg and pull her down into the bottom of the pool. We never see
the face of the person who grabs her and we never see her facial expression
either, only her legs trying to escape his tight grasp. She then is stabbed by
the killer and drowns from being under the water for such a long time. The
final shot is of the whole pool going red with blood and just her goggles
floating along the top of the water.
IDEA 2 – CHILD ON SWING
Whole Plot
The whole plot follows a child going to the park
with their mother each day and always being watched from behind the fence by a
mysterious man. We later find out that the man is actually the child’s father and the
mother never told the child who their father was because she was raped. The
father comes back and is always watching the child's every move from a
distance. The father captures the child in order to get revenge on the mother
and wants a ransom from her in return.
IDEA 2 – CHILD ON SWING
Opening sequence
The scene cuts between shots of the child
playing on the swing and laughing and shots of the man watching the child
through binoculars. When the child is playing on the swing we hear the child
laughing and a nursery rhyme being played in the background. On shots of the
mysterious man we can just hear him breathing heavily and the sounds of the
child playing in the background. The mother goes off to get an ice cream for
the child and whilst she is absent the child is snatched by the man and taken
away and we can hear the screams from the child. The final shot is of the
mother coming back with the ice cream and all she sees is the swing swinging
all by itself and the ice cream drops off the cone just as the child screams,
this happens simultaneously.
IDEA 3 - ELEVATOR
Whole Plot
Lots of people are stuck in an elevator. One by
one each of the characters in the elevator are murdered in different ways just
leaving two left in the elevator. It is unclear as to who the killer is. The
two people that are left believe that it is each other but it turns out to be a
memory of one of them, who is in a coma and they wake up and are immediately
questioned by the police as to who was the last person. There are lots of
flashbacks to previous scenes and the audience realises that we never actually
see the last person’s face.
IDEA 3 - ELEVATOR
Opening sequence
We see a random collection of people getting
into an elevator. None of the characters engage with each other and there is no
dialogue. You can only hear the elevator music which has a slightly eerie
undertone to it. Suddenly there is a shudder of the elevator and the lights
flash. There is some sort of noise, although it is nothing too obvious or
intrusive considering there has been no dialogue in the opening sequence. It is
then made apparent that one of the characters is dead and so as they go to walk
out of the elevator we see a knife sticking out of their back and blood drips along
their path. As the elevator doors are closing we see the character who has been
stabbed drop to the floor. Once the doors have closed we see the other
characters who are still in the lift look around to each other puzzled and then
they all look at one of the characters and the audience see the realisation on
their faces that they know something is coming. The lights go off and we hear a
gun shot and then the words ‘doors opening.’
IDEA
4 - TRAIN
Whole Plot
A woman has received a
letter from her partner who she believed was on a business trip. The letter
explains that he has been taken hostage as unknown to her he was working as an
undercover agent. He wants to keep her safe and asks her to go immediately to
the train station taking with her his briefcase. He gives her specific
instructions regarding which train to take and tells her that when she gets off
the train at London Waterloo that there will be a man waiting for her. He tells
her to be extremely careful in ensuring that she is not being followed as it is
possible that her life may be in danger.
IDEA 4 - TRAIN
Opening Sequence
The audience see a
woman going through the different stages before getting onto a train. We see
the woman get her ticket, go through the turnstile, walk along the platform and
then get onto the train. This whole sequence is filmed from behind so we never
see the woman's face. We get the impression that she is being followed through
the sound effect of footsteps and creepy music to create tension and suspense.
She is wearing a red coat but everything else is black, including a briefcase
that she is clutching tightly. Her body language suggests to the audience that
she is tense and on edge. Just as she gets on the train, we see the doors about
to close and the only dialogue in the scene is the pre-recorded announcement on
the train; 'doors closing' and suddenly we see a hand stop the doors and a man
wearing all black get onto the train.
PITCHING FEEDBACK
Idea 1 Feedback
* The group liked the
use of the point of view shot going up the stairs of the diving board as they
thought that this could provide tension and make the audience anticipate what
comes next as we just see the woman's feet.
* They also thought that it was a very
original idea and that it doesn't initially convey thriller although the use of
the sound effects could really make it and create a tense and thrilling
atmosphere.
* I was also told that my idea seemed very
Hitchcock (which is a big compliment!) as I had used some very powerful
visuals, particularly of the girl peering over the edge of the diving board as
this could be very atmospheric.
* I was advised to consider the use of the
goggles bobbing along the top of the water as I needed to ensure that this
image didn't look too cliche.
* In order to improve I also need to consider
the coach's intentions and whether he was likely to kill her in the water, as
this would mean that he would be vulnerable too.
* I was advised to consider creating hints
that he might be psychopathic and that he wants to torture her.
* I was told that at the moment my opening
sequence is a bit busy and that it doesn't need all of the elements and that in
order to improve I need to reign in all the details and just show subtleties.
* Another way in which I can improve my idea
is by adding more elements of horror.
* I need to strip down my idea and just add
hints of what would happen but don't show everything. I need to be more subtle
with the elements which are linked into the whole plot and leave some areas up
for interpretation from the audience and leave them posing questions and not
answering all the questions within the first few minutes of the film.
* I also need to decide whether she is a
diver or a swimmer because diver's don't use goggles and so this element of
thriller would have to be adapted if i decided that she was going to be diver.
* I also need to bear in mind the fact that
if she is a diver then her legs will hit the water last so she will not be able
to be pulled down by her legs, whereas if she was a swimmer then this would be
possible.
* I also need to consider that if it is a
competition with a crowd watching then the assailant would be seen and caught
before being able to get out of the pool.
My response to the
feedback
I have acknowledged the
feedback I was given and appreciate the detailed comments. When looking at my
idea again I intend to reconsider the original plot and make the main character
a swimmer rather than a diver bearing in mind the feedback above. I definitely
want to keep the visual of the protagonist peering over the edge of the
starting block/edge of pool. I have decided to adapt my original idea and make
it a solo training session which would be more atmospheric and create more
tension. this will also enable me to use the idea of her being dragged down by
her leg in the pool. By making all of these changes I believe my idea will be
more powerful and create an environment of fear and anticipation.
Idea 2 Feedback
* I was told that my
idea was very well thought through in terms of the visuals being used.
* I was also told that it would be a good
length, obviously depending on the editing.
* Something that worked well and that people
liked was the idea about having the kids laughing and the use of the swings as
it was mentioned in the feedback that this is very creepy and the choice of
music used here could be very effective, especially for the squeaking of the
swing.
* I was also told that the end part of the
opening sequence, with the actual snatching of the child is a lot more powerful
than the first part of the child playing on the swing.
* I was advised to take away the cliche
horror elements such as the use of the nursery rhyme.
* In order to improve I was also advised to
strip away at the idea do not try to include everything and try to use more
subtleties.
* I was told that the action was quite slow
at the start and that it needed more pace.
* I was advised to create a condensed version
of my idea in order to make it more simplistic, and not tell the whole story
within the opening sequence.
* In order to improve I need to work more on
the part where it is the shot of the mother running around looking for her
child panicking and screaming instead of the child playing.
My response to the
feedback
I take on board all the
comments and feedback given. I agree with not using the nursery rhyme as this
is a typical convention of a horror film and so wouldn't work for this idea. In
order to improve my idea I need to ensure that I don't give too much away too
soon and pare the opening sequence down to the bare essentials. This will have
the effect of increasing tension and provoking thought from the audience. I
believe that focusing on the child swinging will contrast well with the
snatching of the child and I believe the mother panicking would come later on
in the opening and wouldn't over shadow the innocence of the child. When
reconsidering my idea I need to bear in mind the comments relating to the pace
and complexity of my original opening sequence and I plan to adapt this
accordingly.
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